Our journey has been dotted with highs and lows.
And so far, the lows have had it.
Our first known-donor ended up having a vasectomy. Our second never showed up. Our third wanted to assert parental rights if the child ended up being a specific sex. The rapid succession of known-donor lows was dizzying.
Hundreds of hours of research (and legal consultations, and interviews...) led us to the conclusion that the risks associated with using a known-donor were too great, so we decided to enlist the services of a sperm bank. But with this decision came a new set of lows (pricing lows were anticipated; inventory lows were not.)
When you're trying to conceive, your mind is stuck in a loop of hoping for a positive pregnancy test. No one thinks about all of the possible complications a pregnancy might have before you conceive. But you never stop fearing them once you do conceive: every sensation becomes a pregnancy symptom, and every twinge a potential miscarriage. The highs of a positive pregnancy test shifted to lows of missing symptoms, unexplained bleeding, lackluster blood tests, somber conversations surrounding the term "ectopic," shots of methotrexate, isolation, betrayal by one's own body failing to do the very thing it was uniquely designed to do... these lows are ever-present fears throughout the process. Until they are no longer fears and become truth.
But these lows did nothing to prepare a pair of would-be moms for the lows launched by others. While sex may be a private matter, conception and pregnancy are not -- not by any means. Once you've conceived, strangers and acquaintances line up armed with their own opinions, beliefs, and facts with which they are hellbent on assaulting you. Suddenly, hoards of people -- mostly women -- think you've fallen stupid ("You know that you can't drink while pregnant, right?" or "Just because your sperm donor has blue eyes doesn't mean your child will. Your eye color plays a part in it, too."). And if they can't hurl attacks thinly veiled as logic, they most likely will begin lobbying for their own opinions, which are often devoid of any logic or respect for you as a human being ("You did look at the race of your donor, right?" or "What are you going to tell the baby when it asks about its Dad? I bet you didn't think of that.")
While none -- none -- of these can pale the overarching high of Oh My God We're Having A Baby, the daily barrage of vapid comments and commentary regarding myself, my partner, our fetus, and our future can be suffocating and devastating.
And let's be honest -- it's NEVER the smart, pulled together, quality parents slinging their verbal feces at us.
But each low (it seems like there's a new one every day) can usually be forgotten when I catch the sight of my partner's rounding belly, when I pass by the refrigerator door filled with in utero photos of my baby girl... or when I picture these miserable people sulking in anguish over How I'm Ruining My Life/My Child's Life/All of Society, knowing fully well that in the end, I will love my child infinitely more than they can ever hate me.
